The Cocks came out of their shells more than we’ve seen for some time but their early Arthur goal was countered by a battling Weasels performance. Firmino bagged one and Neymar two as Lambert’s side recovered well, and a rare second goal for the BBC in the 95th minute couldn’t change anything. Their struggle for 16th continues.

By Jim Echanga

Nilwall made a bright start and saw fan favourite Pukki finally bag his first goal in their colours with a tidy finish, but the Mancs were clearly more dangerous and they fought back through a fearsome Rabiot strike. Let me tell you this in closin’: the visitors were a little lucky to hold on here, but a point is a point.

By Aurelien Le Nerd

Not only did the Geese avoid the embarrassment of falling closer towards their fierce rivals in the Evander Bet, but they also avoided the embarrassment of dropping points to Surreal Madrid (who have, in fairness, been in surprisingly good form of late). Neres broke the deadlock pretty early on and the hosts, having benched Wilson, barely even bothered going forward. Dubravka will be unhappy with his ‘efforts’ to keep out Willian’s goal but, when Bruce finally summoned his talismanic striker, they did at least claw back some dignity.

By Paul Blart

Knowing that all the neutrals were looking forward to a titanic battle between Messi and Ronaldo to make up for this match’s lack of stakes, Conte and Zidane pulled an enjoyable prank by leaving both out of their respective squads. In their absence, the visitors strengthened their hold on second place thanks to two Oyarzabal goals, the first a delightful team effort.

By Viennetta Quark

Those looking for stakes at the end of this season should keep a close eye on Bielsa, who’s very much fighting for his life now after a poor performance here. Aguero and Henderson were able to exploit some iffy defensive work, with Arbor Red far less than their usual dynamic selves. Salah did at least wake up in the latter stages with a fantastic solo goal in stoppage time, but it was very much too little, too late.

By Antonia Tombola

Two of our increasingly indistinct upper-mid-table rabble played out a thrilling battle here at Le Stadium du Team. Galtier’s men did well to recover from an early Brandt strike and recapture the lead through Hazard and Icardi before half-time. But the pendulum swung once again after the introduction of Lacazette from the bench, the striker dazzling with a mazy run and finish to equalise before Lemar thwacked home a decisive winner. Pochettino’s men did edge it on performance and will be pleased with their moxie.

By Sheila. You know, Sheila, she’s my friend from book club. Oh, come on, she was there at Dylan’s christening. She stayed in our spare room that weekend, for goodness’ sake. Sheila. You must know her.

The race for second looks just about over. The Pigs took an early lead through Higuain but Ice, controversially playing ahead of Ismaily, gave away a penalty for Coutinho to equalise. Florenzi restored the lead with a smashing strike just after the break but the cup finalists found their groove, particularly on the counter. Aubameyang plundered one and Griezmann a second as Inzaghi’s men lost their grip on the game. What a turnaround.

By Len Gweeney

What a game this was! Despite Joao Felix’s gorgeous opener, the Ducks fell 3-1 behind against an energetic Menace team who looked excited to overtake their opponents in the table. Gabriel Jesus scored twice and Pellegrini once, but a penalty for Lewandowski to bury restored the hope in the hosts’ eyes. Luis Alberto was the hero, tying it up with an amazing direct free kick, but Thiago Larghi’s men still have work to do in their battle to overcome Carrcelona.

By Hamish ‘Dougal’ McAmphetamines

Farcelona were not that fussed but still kept most of the possession because they are physically incapable of doing otherwise. Martyrs were willing, if not always that dangerous, but their being the only team who actually cared about what was happening eventually paid off with a nice goal on the counter by Insigne.

By Wilhelmina Welhilmeno