Far from a quality first half from either team, but the second half started brightly for the Weasels with a bit of penalty box pinball finished by Messi. Then fuck all happened and the Weasels won.

By Sick of this Shit.

Martyrs were on the back foot immediately, with some tricksy work by Suarez to setup Marco Reus for a goal. Bentancur piled on the misery with a goal from a corner. Martyrs went the entire first half with just a single (off target) shot. Again the Martyrs centre backs have questions to answer, regularly getting beaten by Farce’s attackers.

By “Jungle” James Johnson

Hijos had to be patient but eventually broke down the BBC defence just before the half time whistle. Ivan Rakitic got bored of that tiki taka nonsense and BOSHED a goal in from basically the halfway line. BBC looked lost for ideas in the all green kit clash derby and managed just one shot the entire game. Hijos could have been miles ahead if they understood the offisde rule with 3 goals disallowed.

By Thomas Equine Ass

The league’s best Welshman put the Pigs ahead early, and Big Rom scored a decent penalty to double the lead. The Elves went route one and left Icardi with some work to do, but a clinical finish brought them back into the game. Only briefly though, as Aguero tucked home a lovely poacher’s effort in reply. Onto the second half and it was Aguero again, almost like he had a point to prove. Pulisic was on fire with assists today.

By Lardy Hardy

Surreal avoided tripping on the banana peel that is WBA. A reckless challenge from Fabinho allowed Ciro to take the lead with a penalty. Not for the first time today this was entirely one way traffic, and with that many opportunities Club Legend Ross Barkley scored a powerful tap in from a yard out. Pogba and Bruno combined to finish the job with a third goal. The only noteworthy thing any Wedge player did this game was Rui P saving an utterly meaningless penalty.

By Lara Dumpling

Top 10 scored earlier, while the Ducks were once again confused by Luis Alberto’s positioning as a striker. Llorente proved his worth though scoring the equaliser, though this parity was short lived however, with Hazard scoring on the half hour mark. Patient passing play by the Ducks could only result in one thing, a third goal for the Dawgs. The collapse was complete with Zielinski turning in the Dawgs fourth goal and Martinez completing his hattrick in injury time.

By Hugh Mongoose

A dull first half by Nilwall standards, nothing to write home about at all. Harry Kane had the chance to take the lead in the second half but fluffed his penalty. Eventually the endlessly efficient Halfman team found the net with Thomas Partey. Instead of coolly seeing the game out, Son Heung-Min scored an absolute screamer to level the game.]

By Golden Ben Aulden

A huge game at the bottom of the table, but not necessarily a quality one. FC Cers got the better of the first half, with a goal disallowed and a couple squandered opportunities. Awful game really.

By Henry Frost

A bit of early magic from Bernado Silva put the Mancs ahead and Menace didn’t really do anything. Mbappe doubled the lead in the second half and Menace continued to not really do anything. Barella topped of a very god Mancs performance and the Menace settled by not really doing anything.

By Debbie Flowerbed