Mancs in Black

La Ball de la Foot

Timo Werner
22'
1 - 0
Paulo Dybala
27'
2 - 0
2 - 1
60'
Luiz Gustavo
Kylian Mbappé
65'
3 - 1
Kylian Mbappé
93'
4 - 1

A totally confident performance by the bookies’ darlings, even featuring a slide-tackle goal from Mbappe of all people. The Elves’ one goal flattered them greatly.

By Roark Coal

AFC He-Man

Arbor Red

0 - 1
11'
Thomas Müller
0 - 2
43'
Álvaro Morata
Robert Lewandowski
50'
1 - 2

You would never have known that these two teams were at opposite ends of the table. Arbor Red, with Jorge Jesus coming under pressure for the first time as a possible double-sacking season for the strugglers, really turned on the style; Morata’s spin and finish for the second was a delight. Lewandowski’s response was a low, skimming rocket but the hosts didn’t have much else in the tank against a pretty inspired opposition.

By Gardenia Forest

Brigstock Big Cocks

The Pocket Dawgs

0 - 1
11'
Éder Militão
0 - 2
51'
Eden Hazard (Retired)

In a scrappy game of few chances, a compact, clinical Dawgs side got the job done fairly comfortably, looking a level above their opponents with their dreadful run well behind them.

By Maylene Cobal

Los Hijos de Chud

Os Patos

0 - 1
57'
David Neres
Anthony Martial
74'
1 - 1
1 - 2
90'
Marcus Rashford

The reborn Hijos of weeks past disappeared in a puff of smoke here and the Ducks perhaps should have done more to kill them off, easing off the accelerator somewhat after their goal. But they rolled up their sleeves when Martial powered home an equaliser and found a late winner with some fantastic interplay in the box. Not completely convincing, but they’ll take it.

By Wake Fen

Chilean Menace

FC Cers City

0 - 1
56'
Charles Aránguiz (Pen)

This was a bit of a smash-and-grab from a very defensively minded Cers side but, fortunately for them, the Menace absolutely did not have their shooting boots on today. Strangely comfortable for a team who took four shots all game.

By Fantina Relic

Farcelona

Wedge Bromwich Albion

Leroy Sané
4'
1 - 0
1 - 1
7'
Leon Bailey
1 - 2
37'
Riyad Mahrez
1 - 3
47'
Riyad Mahrez
1 - 4
56'
Riyad Mahrez
Rúben Neves
58'
2 - 4
Nicolò Zaniolo
81'
3 - 4
3 - 5
89'
Zlatan Ibrahimović

It was a privilege to witness this one. The sheer quality of all of the goals was off the charts; the first two set up in quick succession by astonishingly good finessed passes by Bennacer and Mahrez, respectively. And then Mahrez stepped up with some truly exceptional strikes – all of which would typically be considered leading contenders for goal of the week but the third of which might have been the best of the season. Neither team backed down as a frantic pace continued right up until the end, but particular credit to the struggling Wedge side for pushing through against the high-flying Farce.

By Byron Mine

Qiú Mǎng

Maychester United

0 - 1
22'
Jamie Vardy
0 - 2
64'
Jamie Vardy (Pen)
0 - 3
67'
Kai Havertz
Dejan Kulusevski
75'
1 - 3

Kulusevski’s goal – a perfectly struck first-time shot after being played through in pinpoint fashion by Odegaard’s pass – was an absolute peach. It’s just a shame that it was the first time all game that the Martyrs had shown up on the pitch.

By Candice Glacier

Nilwall FC

Surreal Moneyball

Harry Kane
25'
1 - 0
1 - 1
54'
Ciro Immobile (Pen)
1 - 2
78'
Paul Pogba
Harry Kane
83'
2 - 2

We all expected goals from the meeting of the league’s two most prolific teams and maybe four is something of a disappointment. This was a good battle, though, and it’s dropped points for the visitors although they might consider themselves to have been the better team.

By Volkner Beacon

Möhömahamörssit

Weasels

0 - 1
67'
Lionel Messi (Pen)
0 - 2
91'
Josip Iličić

This was far from a thriller but it was capped off in style when De Gea hoofed the ball up to the big man just in behind the space up top and Ilicic tucked it home for a classic route-one goal. The Pigs had defended reasonably well all game but didn’t offer much up front.

By Chad Pion

This week's crossword clue

17 Across: Data on standing army (11)

Crossword grid