With the first whispers of insecurity around Rickie Lambert’s job starting to float, Weasels looked keen to dispel them. The MiBs wouldn’t let them remember it early on when Cavani nodded home from a fine Everton cross, but the visitors were the dominant side and they fought back through Zapata, Carrasco and Firmino. The season-two champions still have a lot of heels at which to nibble.

By Templeton Sheriff

The Menace have been growing in stature week by week lately but they were up against it here, with Sensi running the show for the Dawgs. Bellerin had the hosts in front almost immediately and Alba added to that after the break, with a Vidal penalty not enough for Flick’s men to assert themselves.

By Admiral Beatrice Griddle

Maychester were bullish about their chances against the struggling BBC and got off to a flyer through – who else? – Ronaldo. But their talisman missed a penalty on the half-hour and then everything seemed to fall apart. Rashford struck a goal for all childrenkind before the break, before Theo Hernandez got himself a red card just after it. The visitors still tried to push forward but Mourinho’s intractable system fares well against the numerically disadvantaged. Perhaps the Cocks should have attempted more than a mere five shots themselves, in the circumstances.

By Henrietta Who Must Be Feared

RED CARD - - Theo Hernández

Perhaps not even Deschamps knows how he masterminded this smash-and-grab win. Martyrs were all over Cers here, let down time and again by poor finishing and solid keeping from Lloris. The holders strayed forwards almost never but still stole the win when Felipe Anderson burst through space and set up Henderson.

By Rick Balls

This could have been an interesting game if either team had been able to hit the broad side of a barn with a banjo.

By Champ Goodpunch

There was hope here for Bruce’s side for a long time, with the Pigs below their best for much of the game. They did take an early lead through Alexander-Arnold but a rare bit of attacking verve from Surreal saw Saint-Maximin bring things back level. With such domination of possession, though, another great chance was always likely to come for the Pigs, and Ice himself stepped up to seal the points.

By Clarence Consequences

Two teams who seemingly have the quality but not the consistency to force their way into the title race played out a match fairly emblematic of that fact, but Halfman’s ability to turn it on at key moments made the difference. It took until the 75th minute for the deadlock to be broken but Hazard equalised Politano’s opener in short order – it wasn’t until stoppage time when Mahrez fired home. This will be a blow for Galthier’s side.

By Dame Judi Denche

This was a rollicking contest – Arbor Red the better team arguably but Silva the best player on the pitch – and it looked like it would end as a draw after first-half goals for Gimenez and Brozovic. But the visitors were a little more composed on the ball and got their reward through Immobile’s late winner.

By Erin Kleinwabbuner

Business as usual for Farcelona on two fronts: a dominant win, and a missed penalty for Barella. Thiago Larghi’s side hardly turned up at all, mustering only three shots all game, and the league leaders didn’t need to try all that hard as a result.

By Lucy ‘Zimbu’ Taylor