MISSED PEN Lewandowski 27′

Arbor Red today paid tribute to devoted supporter and season-ticket holder Archibald Spamshanks, who passed away during the pre-season period at the age of 56. Archibald was a baker and part-time poker hustler who collected misprinted editions of Doctor Zhivago and claimed to have invented ciabatta. He is survived by his eight children and his two dogs, Leslie and Sir Barksalot.

By Winona Condominium-Jones, Obituaries Editor