Kanerva bravely dropped Lukaku and his team looked all the more confident for it, making short work of a Cers side who can barely be said to have shown up at all. Don’t be fooled by that one goal; it was the only thing that the visitors did all game.

By Sally Trauma-Feldspar

RED Davies 69′

Fans may be left worrying about an injury which forced off the inspired Ronaldo just before half-time but the Menace proved that they’re not a one-man team as they continued a total domination of a Farcelona side who might have put in their worst-ever Gobshite performance here.

By Cynthia Lance

Imagine Surreal keeping Halfman this quiet this time last year. But we live in a thrilling new world, and it’s one in which Klopp’s men are serious contenders. They bossed this from start to finish.

By Clara ‘Plastic Cannon’ Grundy

Utterly extraordinary. Weasels looked dead and buried at 2-0 and could have had no complaints if an extraordinarily profligate La Ball had been five up at the time – and Cavani’s amazing backheel for the second cannot go unmentioned! But the introduction of Lallana galvanised Selimovic’s men for a late rally, with him, Sterling and Silva all displaying sensational savvy movement on the counter to blitz through a defence that didn’t quite know how to react.

By Michelle Fitzbernard

Title expectations for the Dawgs only grow stronger thanks to performances like this, as they shrugged off a slow start to take control of the Singapore derby. Guardiola’s side had the best of possession but look short of confidence from their winless streak.

By Millicent Chen

HOT: James Milner’s Lambertesque penalty record, which continued in style here
NOT: Marcelo’s almost-nauseating inability to do anything close to defending against the marauding Renato Augusto, which saw him responsible for all of the first three goals

By Baroness Lydia Honkenstein

The crowd here at the Wedgedome were treated to pure entertainment as Zlatan tried to fight off an energetic Nilwall team almost single-handedly. The Swede’s second and third goals were incredible to behold but Pochettino had his side firing on all cylinders and they gave the hosts no time to completely catch up.

By Roisin Raisins

This was a fucking snore, but Maychester don’t care: they’re top of the league!

By Talulah Bland IV, the Dreaded

MISSED PEN Muller 81′

Jamie Vardy’s got nothing on Pukki. And neither of them have anything on Luis Alberto, who continues to orchestrate everything that is good about the Ducks this season. The hosts rode their luck somewhat, with Muller’s impotent spot-kick followed by one shot being cleared off the line and then a narrow miss from Rodrigo, but Zoratti’s men take the points.

By Rhiannon Foster-Cluckings