It looked like Zidane’s first game in charge was going to bring fireworks as the league leaders were completely muffled in the first half by a Cocks team out to prove their worth to the new boss. But Klopp energised his men at the break and they ended up playing some delightful football on their way to turning it around. The champions-elect just can’t be held at bay.

By Stephanie Gerbil-Polish

This could have been a very complete performance from the Pigs if their defenders hadn’t been too willing to let themselves be bullied by the Dawgs’ occasional runs forward. But Hodgson’s men kept up their heads after every mistake and eventually delivered on the promise of their dominance.

By Jamison Broink

Unfortunately only one team really ever got into this, and even then it took a flashy free kick from Luis Alberto to beat either keeper. The Ducks keep vaguely in touch with Surreal, for as much as that’s worth.

By Enrico Glug

RED Goams 31′

Two of the league’s better but most inconsistent teams traded blows very entertainingly here, with two yellow cards in quick succession for Joe Goams barely seeming to knock Los Hijos off their stride. The Menace were desperate not to squander their 11-to-10 advantage, with Ronaldo notching two headers, but when a third came back off the bar they might have felt that their luck had deserted them. No shame in either team not winning this, though.

By Tiffany ‘Sign Here’ Ingersol

The arrival of Adkins – and, perhaps, the introduction of an actual striker to their system – seemed to put a spring into Weasels’ step here, with Gimenez heading home from a Messi corner to kick off the new era and Dilva rifling one home to double the advantage. Wedge found a little bit of pep after the hour but it was too little, too late, and they were punished harshly when a Messi shot deflected significantly off Fabinho to wrap up the points.

By Friedrich Targ

This was unquestionably a must-win game for Arbor Red so, as pleased as they might be with sneaking a point from a match in which they created far fewer chances than their opponents, this must count as the final nail in the coffin for any hopes of a revival under Jorge Jesus. The Elves were wasteful, but what else is new?

By the actor Naomie Harris

No contest whatsoever. The Mancs, to a man, played with freedom and energy, netting some eye-catching goals from Mbappe’s electric run and fine-angled finish for the opener to Skriniar’s unusual back-of-the-head effort. In the second half, the goals could have racked up even more but for some surprisingly committed blocks and clearances from a Nilwall defence that was at least playing for the shirt.

By Mohinder Soup

Maychester more than held their own here and may feel unfortunate to have been beaten here, but the creative Bennacer could not be contained – he had a hand in both Farcelona goals, the latter of which was a thunderbolt from Alves that is likely still moving. It is what it is, though, and it clearly wasn’t enough for the board.

SACKING: Luciano Spalletti replaced by Diego Simeone

By Sir Jonathan Rigsby-China

To be honest, it doesn’t get much better in football than one centre-back absolutely hooning it at full power straight into the back of the other one’s head for a ricochet own-goal at about five yards out. Anyway, the Martyrs are still a bit cack, Halfman remembered that they’re somewhat competent and easily merited the points.

By L3SA the Journo-Bot