Oofa-doofa, Keylor you numpty. What a mistake for the second. And wowserino, Eriksen, you legend. What a performance.

By Samuel Pupys

Big ol’ meh from me, buddy.

By Wendell ‘Drillbit’ Pretoria, Jr. III

Wasn’t really watching if I’m honest, lads, but probably a good win for Farcelona I guess!

By Bertha Hoopsbane

RED Saul 92′

Bit of a rearguard for Maychester but they just about held on against a Surreal team somewhat lacking in their usual attacking verve.

By Winona Lusamine

What a game. The Menace looked like they were on for a thrashing after a shambolic start but you have to hand it to them for the guts and determination on show. Former Menace icon Alexis had seemingly helped his old side out in style with a catastrophic own-assist before completing the reverse-turnaround in stylish fashion. But there was still time for one more sting in the tail and, frankly, neither side deserved to lose it anyway.

By Clamber Pipeson

Tite just can’t stop living on the edge. He loves it. Wedge, to be fair, have absolutely stolen this one.

However, after the game, he did in fact stop living on the edge.

SACKED: Tite replaced by Jorge Jesus

By Australian mining magnate Andrew Forrest

Surreal’s draw, and Los Hijos’ general shitness, really opened a door for Halfman here, but they just didn’t bring it today, and slacked off enough to see their lead squandered.

By Jane ‘the Rotating Octopus’ Ingliss

RED Aspas 51′

Only one word for this: easy.

By Emily Vietnam

This was an exhibition from Messi, whose lethal passing set up both of Sterling’s early goals before grabbing one himself, with a typical Weasels performance in which they saw almost none of the ball but attacked with total precision when they found opportunities on the counter.

By Xavier Blowtorch