New Weasels boss Oblitas confounded pre-season expectations by fielding a flat 4-4-2 here but perhaps even more confusing was how the hosts failed to score from a first-half goalmouth scramble. They were frankly lucky not to be punished for it further by a Cocks team who grew into the game in the second half and broadly dominated possession.

By Edna Crank

RED Bentancur 60′

Doubts have been expressed about Farcelona’s options on the wing this season but they quickly made a point when Reus picked up McKennie’s cross at the far post – and the American turned from provider to scorer in the second half when he nodded home a delivery from Davies. But the hosts had already conceded a goal to Benzema of all people so they clearly could not be allowed to win the game in good conscience, and the deserved ejection of Bentancur quickly led to an equaliser.

By Johnny ‘the Snitch’ Goodman

MISSED PEN Hazard 27′

This was a brilliant way to start the season for the attending fans here, a match full of adventure and drama. The confident Halfman saw Torres and Coutinho link up well to open the scoring but Tiki Taka Toah were clearly hungry to make an impression on their Gobshite debut. Lining up in a traditional Bielsa 4-2-4, they were at times more enthusiastic than excellent, but Hazard made up for his poor first-half penalty with a snatched finish from a free kick after the break. Perhaps the visitors overexerted, though, with Vardy allowed too much space on the counter in the second half to complete the turnaround.

By Yun Chun-Sook

MISSED PEN Alaba 36′

This game was almost too dense to entirely understand – from Alaba’s completion of every conceivable in-game interaction to do with penalties to the Elves’ inexplicable periods of excellence in between having their backsides handed to them by the much-fancied Dawgs – but ultimately it was a deserved win for Ferguson’s men, highlighted by a truly gorgeous lobbed finish by Aguero.

By Olivia ‘the Human Sunroof’ Blitzkerst

Never bet against Nilwall.

By Dr Franz Golf

Well, Haaland is getting starts this season, which is probably bad news for the rest of the league. Maychester very much went toe-to-toe with one of the pre-season favourites here, though, and may feel frustrated to only have got a point from a good performance.

By Wilhelmina Lummox

The team who won the title by 15 points last season look even better on this evidence. This was a completely dominant performance from Klopp’s side, even against a Pigs team of whom big things were predicted in some quarters. The result was never in doubt.

By Anne Yule

Whatever Conte’s elaborate plan to finally get the best out of Messi, it didn’t survive first contact with Chillin’ Kylian, who looks to have fit in quickly with his new team. The Martyrs’ wing-backs looked stretched too thin and it culminated in a sloppy concession of a penalty by Alex Sandro.

By Skip Bagg

The energy in this game was all Ducks but the hosts treated them like a child running off the Haribo high and promptly sealed the points with an emphatic Mahrez finish shortly after the break.

By Mr Hom