Despite benching star performer Muniain, the Ducks had the better of a gentle first half; though Shaqiri missed a sitter from close range, team-mate Stones bailed him out with his second goal of the season. Ferguson’s men were without Bale once again (this time due to injury) and were lacking in attacking bite as a result, but a dreadful piece of marking from Blind at a corner allowed Benzema an easy equaliser. But the home side always looked more potent and they quickly forced their way back in front when Azpilicueta was pressured into an own goal. The Cocks continue to be droopy, and it saw the great Sir Alex officially become the first name on the managerial watchlist.

By Alejandro Hombre

Though still ravaged by injuries, the struggling Martyrs had the better of a fairly dour match by Gobshite standards, although Klopp’s reversion to a 4-2-3-1 (not to mention benching SMS) is sure to frustrate the club hierarchy. Nilwall, dropping Dele back to attacking midfield for the first time this season, were uncreative in the face of a prime opportunity to get their stuttering season on track. But in the end, the visitors hit a hot streak out of nowhere. Taison was the inspiration, scoring two and setting up both Ramsey and Haaland, all in the last 15 minutes of action It was a deserved result for Martyrs, if perhaps generous on its emphasis, and certainly a much-needed one.

By Cassidy Ferrari

Dani Carvajal, yellow.
Thomas Muller goal (pen) 94′.

By Harrison Chettleburgh, match referee

Weasels have not been the most relentless attacking force this season so might have been concerned about coming to St Monday’s Park to face this disciplined Surreal side. But they quickly assumed control of the game, with Tadic finding room for a simple finish before Wijnaldum bulldozed a second from the edge of the area. It got even better, though, when yeoman winger Neymar powered through several defenders and unleashed an unstoppable howitzer into the top corner. The rout was completed by a fine finish from Rodri late in the day. Surreal, quite frankly, might as well have not turned up to this one – but at least this way they got front-row seats for Neymar’s goal.

By Rodolfo Querygolf

Bielsa’s side have been better than their results so far this season have indicated and they underlined their first-half superiority with a header from Perisic. La Ball, for their part, were looking timid and uninspired until a dynamic combination between Hummus and Hazard saw the Belgian slip through for an equaliser on the hour. Arbor Red remained the better side and retook the lead through Otamendi at a corner. Even Immobile, who had missed an absolute sitter a few minutes earlier, made up for it by widening the gap with a muscly finish. Salah tapped in from Telles’s cross in stoppage time to ensure that there would be no doubt about the better side here.

By Argyle B. Williams, III, II

Having only just moved into top spot, Farcelona looked in no mood to surrender it here – no one more so than Sane, who mounted a mazy run inside from the left before launching an absolute rocket well past Oblak’s reach. Despite moments of eye-catching play from the Dawgs, the lead was extended before the break through Mendy and a gorgeous, curled Suarez free kick. Vardy thought he’d found a reply on the hour but was fuming when it did not quite cross the line – nevertheless, the truth was that Farcelona looked like true title contenders here and the much-hyped Dawgs did not.

By Kendra Volcano-Smith

Allegri sprang a surprise when the MiBs lined up in a mirror of the Pigs’ signature 5-3-2 formation but his side soon looked foolish when they allowed Higuain and Ismaily to break through for two early goals. Cameras zoomed on what looked like impending doom for the visitors but Skriniar, playing through a knock, rose to meet a cross and give them hope. The continued absence of first-choice keeper Ter Stegen came back to haunt the Mancs, though, when Cillessen could only knock a Dybala free kick into the path of Christensen. When Higuain bagged a second with 15 minutes to go, it was all over. The Pigs’ unbeaten record continues as they stay hot on the heels of Farcelona.

By Yonda C. Shestherewaitingforme

Halfman have title aspirations of their own but they struggled to control the ball against the Geese, who took the lead with a well-orchestrated Bailey header after half an hour. The hosts seemed aware of the need for greater urgency but struggled to impose themselves on Ancelotti’s men, who had the lion’s share of the opportunities. It’s an impressive result for Carrcelona, in a season that’s seen them yet to establish any kind of consistency. Perhaps this will be the start.

By Íñigo Booger

Maychester sought to prove their status as full-on title contenders against the team who are struggling to uphold their reputation as last season’s winners; yet another Ronaldo goal on the half-hour prompted wild celebration. But you can never quite count out this Cers side even if they don’t dominate games as they have done before, and Aguero showed his class with a canny finish after the break. Indeed, they arguably had the better of the chances to win it but, instead, it finished as their fifth 1-1 draw of a season that is only seven games old. Zidane will be frustrated that his side didn’t push on; perhaps the Surreal Madrid battering was too flattering?

By Leanne Marbles