The blanket support for manager Thiago Larghi across the board at the Ducks was in evidence here as the team played their heart out for him, taking the lead with their first shot after holding off 13 of them in the first half-hour. Maychester were in complete control of the game, obviously, and did brute-force their way into the lead, but Joao Felix merked them with an equaliser. This felt like an official goodbye to Maychester’s hopes of winning the title; you have to win games in which you take 30 shots.

By Minnie Moussaka

The Pigs weren’t at their best here but, lads, it’s only Nilwall. Morata did the damage with his first goal of the season, and now once again Inzaghi’s side are level on points with Maychester.

By Dr. Wallace O’Wallace

As good Weasels performances go, this wasn’t one, but Arbor Red fell asleep somewhere in the second half while they were 2-0 up and forgot to defend. Rodri and Firmino fully mugged off Bielsa here, ruining the good work from Bruno’s impressive opener and Salah’s instinctive follow-up.

By Ulrich the sentient hammerhead shark

What a game this was for Kompany to make his debut as player-manager, overseeing everything from the bench. Haaland was dangerous and Church bagged two, with the Martyrs always staying just far enough in front that the Sons’ replies never quite drew things level. Pochettino is once again at risk despite a fairly decent showing against a team with the feared new-manager bounce.

By Detective Jigsaw

I’ll be honest, I sacked off attending this game to play minigolf with my mates Chaz and The Nose. It was great. Fergie’s in charge of the Geese now, though, so there’s that.

By Luke Behindyou

Cers got a taste of their own medicine today, for once playing the role of the team absolutely hammering down the door with shot after shot but getting nowhere and being merked by a team who barely bothered to test the keeper. Williams struck an important blow for the Dawgs, who finally brought to an end the holders’ streak of clean sheets.

By Orville ‘Total Breakfast’ Websmurf

The MiBs took an unexpected lead through Di Maria against an off-colour Farcelona side – but “let me see you just slide with me”, said Bentancur to the defender as he stretched low to prod home a scruffy equaliser on the rebound. It didn’t exactly rouse Pep’s side into a better performance but they did benefit from a handball decision which allowed Paredes to bury a penalty for the win. With six games to go, Guardiola’s side now lead the league by 10 points.

By Sydney Grabmuppet

Bruce out? Not a chance. Surreal Madrid didn’t just sneak a win against a very good side, they took them to the cleaners. Two goals for Ritchie of all people and one for Almiron thoroughly embarrassed Szczesny and, well, everyone else involved. Not even a red card for Shelvey midway through the second half could turn the tide. Larry from legal will be dining out on this for years.

By Jacqui Protractor

RED CARD - - Gone-jo Shelvey

I did not enjoy this bad game. I declare everlasting vengeance upon all involved. It may not be today and it may not be tomorrow but, eventually, they will all taste my blade.

By Blademaster Jeremy