Notable primarily for talented youngster Joe Campbell’s first Gobshite League appearance in three years as a substitute for injured right-back Navas, this coparenting support meeting was decided by an incisive Neymar finish. Also, the Ducks were a bit shit.

By Derek Yelp

Some might say that losing away to the league leaders counts as a mitigating circumstances – not so the Menace board. They took one look at this Correa-powered defeat and put Lucien ‘Lovren’ Favre into the bin.

By Jenna Laredo

And so the curtain falls on Jose Pekerman’s time in charge of Nilwall. Where once they had been free-wheeling chaos merchants, this match – as in the rest of this season – they were limp and tired. A battering at the hands of Halfman finally did in for a fascinating era of this young club’s history.

By Trent Chippington-Bath

Two of the most entertaining attacking sides in the league faced off here and, given Arbor Red’s draw-averse record, we were always going to be in for a result. Bielsa’s men fully deserved what they got here, with Perisic racking up yet another goal before a second-half Salah strike sealed the deal. Jovic caught the eye with a stylish equaliser and the Dawgs were energetic but struggled to keep hold of possession.

By Helman ‘the Cleansing Annihilation’ Pills

The details of this match have been lost to time – no names, no fingerprints, nothing is left – and I will not dishonour that fact by enshrining them here.

By Dreadful Eric

Sometimes I swear it’s like the Pigs don’t even want to catch up to Farcelona.

By Barbie Ribena

Surreal Madrid are determined to overcome their reputation as free points – and the Cocks gave them opportunities to do so. After Tielemans netted in the first half, Mourinho’s side hung back a bit and invited the hosts to attack but it hardly suited what Bruce has built here. Not the most exciting choice on the part of the BBC but it sure did earn them a victory.

By Irene Gateau

I’ll be honest, I’ve been having a tough time at home lately and have been struggling with insomnia, so when I felt my eyes closing early in the game I just let it happen. I’m told that Can and Zaha scored.

By Jonathan the Tempter

‘Beat title rivals in a must-win game then immediately drop points to a mildly shit team’ is a tale as old as football itself, one in which Maychester were happy to play their part. Both teams were pants, virtually nothing happened, and all of us were left to confront the fact that we must never expect too much from our heroes.

By Rowena, the Amazing Tap-Dancing Rhino