Many expected the Halfman front line to be too much for Surreal Madrid but it was the midfielders who did the damage. Partey opened the scoring with an absolute bullet before De Jong got involved as well. Looking both greedy and complacent, the hosts began launching long shots whenever they got the chance, with their strikers barely involved. There was the faintest suggestion of punishment for that when Wilson pulled one back, but that only seemed to sharpen Halfman’s focus as Bernardeschi and Lucas finished the job.

By the Reverend Janet Satan