MISSED PEN Immobile 82′

Surreal really stated their case to dethrone the reigning champions here, with Pogba once again in exceptional form for his new club. With a half-fit Ronaldo unable to force the issue, the hosts were unable to cope with the energy of Pogba and Fernandes.

By Neveah Fortescue

Normally, when Nilwall score a truckload of goals, they also concede a truckload of goals. But this Lukaku-Aguero setup just does not seem to be gelling for the Pigs, who continue to fall well short of expectations. It could have been even more for the visitors, who saw Hojbjerg smash one against the bar.

By Stanley the Eruptor

RED Tagliafico 47′

Now this is more like what you would have expected before the season. The Mancs are finally on the board with a victory but hard questions must be asked of a limp performance from Zoratti’s side.

By the catering staff who brought you ‘The Full Monty’

Three points: fine. 53% possession: underwhelming. How long can Ambriz survive this kind of embarrassment?

By Herbert ‘Swapsies’ O’Cutlass

The Dawgs appeared to be cruising towards a straightforward win when the Farce suddenly woke up and Reus was left unmarked at the far post to tuck home a good cross. But Ferguson’s side picked themselves up and won it with a searing counterattack that should leave any team in the league fearful.

By exactly the person you suspected

The usually freewheeling Cocks were far from their best today, particularly in defence where some dodgy decision-making allowed Lemar to pounce for a first-half winner. La Ball will have better performances than that this season but they took their chances for a vital three points.

By Sandra van der Anderson

Los Hijos will be gutted about this one. They knocked on the door again and again but kept finding themselves on the back foot. On balance of play, they probably should have won the game – and if shots could count for more than one goal with enough power, Wijnaldum would have scored 10 – but time and time again they were pegged back, with Kroos doing the damage at the end.

By ‘Legless’ Jerry Ruiz

Two of this fledgling season’s most impressive sides played out a tense one here, with few shots on target for either team meaning that some smart marauding forward by Gaya made the difference.

By Rachel, Queen of the Actuaries

RED Corona 54′

Weasels could barely fashion a chance while Arbor Red were at 10 men, save for Messi’s opener, but a reckless challenge from the visiting right-back allowed the hosts’ relentless pace and movement to prosper as the game wore on. Shout-out to the diminutive Silva’s towering header to close it out.

By Hermann Pringles