Hardly a thriller but Rodgers’s men continued strong early form with a straightforward victory here, Hummels heading home from a corner.

By three children in a trenchcoat

RED Matip 59′

Former Weasels hero Matip tried his level best to help out his old team here, conceding the penalty before being sent off, but an abominable effort from Gosens at the back completely sank the struggling visitors.

By Stanislas Grunt

The Ducks DoF’s war of words in the media before this game backfired spectacularly as Ambriz’s men put on a show from the jump, with Gomez in confident mood. They did, admittedly, take their feet off the pedals at half-time, but the visitors weren’t composed enough to fight back.

By Charivethra Albumen

Benzema took the headlines here with a big performance against a team who seemed to be tripping over themselves to help him out. But a faltering Cers needed a performance like this, and La Ball will be left wondering whether their favours to their old friend were worth it.

By Ophelia Custard-Flute

The Menace were hardly at their conquering best from the cup round but held onto their early lead to continue some good form at this early stage. Arbor Red didn’t accomplish much here!

By Professor Mariachi

A closely contested battle between two very solid teams, with Schmeichel doing excellent work in goal for Surreal to maintain their slim lead. Unlucky for the Farce but Klopp’s men are surging up the table.

By Una Cycle

This was a return to the dark days of Rui P form – with Parejo and Arthur running the show in midfield, the Dawgs got plenty of chances to test the mercurial goalkeeper and he was found wanting early and often. Wedge fought back to an extent after the break but they could not summon enough to make a difference.

By Michael Owen Wilson

Nobody here really covered themselves in glory but, ultimately: lads, it’s Tottenham.

By Enid ‘the Almighty Emperor of Taramasalata’ Paraphenalia-Hume

It started with a clumsy foul by Cuadrado giving away a penalty and never really got any better than that for a Pigs side who tried switching to a one-striker formation and seemed confused by it.

By someone who looks a bit like Stephen Fry