Mbappe was irresistible in the first half and the Martyrs defence looked a little lost adjusting to Conte’s new system. Attack wise, the Martyrs were utterly anonymous until Firmino and Higuain remembered how to play football in the final twenty minutes.

By Tom Friendly

The Menace drew first blood in the Messi/Ronnie match up. Feeling generous, CR7 cut a cross back for Mikhiatairatyoain to score instead of going for goal himself. Just before half time Illicic played a screaming pass that even Raheem Sterling couldn’t mess up scoring. Things slowed down in the second half, but a good passing move saw Sterling score again from well outside the box. Weasels weren’t in the lead for long though, when Adnan Januzaj found himself unmarked with ball a meter away from the goal. Entertaining, but utterly pointless stuff.

By Horace Goodspeed

Luis Alberto was stranded up front, and unable to pull the strings for the Ducks. Shaqiri scored a decent goal, and not a lot else happened. Another professional job by Halfman, taking an early lead and then just stifling the game. They look good for second place in the league.

By Kelvin Inman

Suso and Mandi combined nicely for WBA’s opener, but the much rotated Beady Elves came back into the game with a Cavani penalty. WBA probed with several chances for Di Maria flying over the bar, given their precarious league position, they needed to be more clinical.

By Cassidy Phillips

The best team in the league vs the team that probably would be the best team in the league if they had a proper manager for the full season – it’s a tale as old as me. Salah scored first, but Surreal looked far from beaten, even if the usually reliable Ciro was having an off day. They dug deep, and Pogba found the net with a header. A masterclass from Hector Bellerin saw him grab two assists and a goal. Hijos will be left wondering where that collapse came from.

By Richard Alpert

This was awful from both sides until Casemiro shook the world with an uncharacteristic BOSH. Not content with seeing out an ugly win Maychester fucked it and allowed Julian Brandt to level the game.

By Eloise Hawking

Hazard was the difference maker in the first half, and Nilwall looked a little lost for ideas. Bale and Son both squandered chances in the closing minutes, and it should have been a comfortable win for the Dawgs. However, this is the draw gameweek and Son scored right at the death. Bottle jobs.

By Danielle Rousseau

This game started dull as anything, but certainly didn’t finish that way. Renato Augusto headed the game into life and then it was the Gabriel Jesus show. Olivier Giroud woke up the slumbering Pigs with a brace, and Pulisic took it level in injury time. There was one more twist in the tale though, as Aubameyang rescued the win for the Big Cocks. Sonofabitch.

By James “Sawyer” Ford

Dude, this game. It was awesome, a real tug of war.  Neymar did his best, but Farcelona just stole this one.

By Hugo “Hurley” Reyes