After moving to within one league position of their hated rivals, the Ducks smell blood in their quest to pull back a five-point deficit on the Geese in these final four weeks. They were utterly rampant in the first half and scored some absolute bangers on their way to a swift 4-0 lead – but, just when they might have been able to dream about overturning Maychester’s scoring record, they switched off, and were perhaps lucky that Arbor Red weren’t let back into the game before Immobile’s 90th-minute goal. But the race is very much on!

By Vernon Torremolinos

Fans of good football games would have had little to enjoy here, but there was a treat for fans of Kolarov scoring penalties when Kolarov scored a penalty. Weasels will feel a little hard-done-by to lose this but, well, they probably should have created more than one or two decent chances as well.

By Andy ‘the Relentless Hoverboard’ O’Powell

The botched-a-title-challenge derby produced some entertaining, if not exactly high-quality, football. Wan-Bissaka submitted his application for mid-season redundancy early on with an awful failure to control the ball that allowed Van de Beek to slide in for a comical finish, but a Ronaldo penalty pulled the visitors back into it. Zidane’s men clinched it through a Grimaldo BOSH, but there’s still plenty of time for them to fuck it up all over again. Strap in for an exciting conclusion to the battle for second.

By Samira Flushwell

A point could be very valuable for the BBC in their quest to avoid the ignominy of being the worst team in the league who aren’t literally Newcastle United. It was Bale who stepped up to rescue it with a powerful header, after Boly stepped up with his first goal of the year with a powerful header. Big game for fans of players whose four-letter surname begins with B.

By Nigella the Riddlemancer

The Mancs might seem imposing, and they certainly hammered on the Dawgs’ door in an at-times desperate attacking performance, but the visitors walked away from the Singapore derby with the stronger aura. Williams buried an early shot and Conte’s men focused on defence from there, with Alba in particular doing fine work. Allegri’s side flashed and thundered but never came especially close to overturning it. The Dawgs may yet have a say in the race for second.

By Jim Weikum, Mayor of Biwabik, MN

To be honest, we all could have gone home after the first minute. Brandt did the job nice and early and not an awful lot happened after that. The Sons’ defence put in a very solid performance to ensure that Halfman never got their traditional 20-minute period of unplayable dominance.

By Tito Taller

Now officially confirmed as champions, Farcelona received a guard of honour for the first time. Through it walked a bunch of nobodies who’ve barely played a game all season, with Guardiola taking the time to throw run-outs to his second-stringers. But it was regular starter Dembele, keeping his place, who took the headlines here with two very well-taken goals. Nilwall are still bad.

By Fran, a ferret cursed with sentience

Fans questioning Kompany’s decision to stick with his two-holding-midfielder system were validated here as Wilson pilfered yet another goal against the run of play and the Martyrs struggled to break down the hosts’ dogged defence. As long shot after long shot flashed wide, Bruce must have been laughing himself half to death. A sixth win for Surreal shows that confirmation of their last-place finish has not drained them of pluck.

By Claire Andpresentdanger

The struggle to win the Evander Bet gets even more intense after Carrcelona, despite launching a near-constant assault on the sturdy Menace defence, failed to score and dropped a point. The visitors monopolised possession but did little with it and seemed content to hold on.

By Curtis Smurfhuffer