Could we see the end of Bielsa before the season draws to a close? Arbor Red continued their slump in form here with a limp effort against the cup finalists, an early bosh from Reguilon hitting home hard enough that they never recovered.

By Andi Pamplemousse

Though we do show love to the black suit, the Mancs’ away kit is on another level and it clearly inspired the players here, with a confident performance in possession and goals from Mbappe and Verratti. Kompany, by contrast, did not inspire his players even as he stood amongst them in the heart of defence. Even when the new manager won a penalty, the talismanic Haaland fucked it – and Ramos made him feel it by burying a spot-kick of his own in stoppage time.

By Haru Inji

The race to be the league’s top beaked animal looks likely to be decided after Lo Celso bagged a late goal for an injury-ravaged home side. Maychester slapped it at goal a few times but couldn’t make anything happen. Still, hopefully both teams had fun!

By Carmine Dreadlocks

Now that all hope of achieving anything meaningful with their season seems to be basically in the bin, the Ducks look quite a good side. Joao Felix’s powerful arcing effort for the third was the highlight of an entertaining attacking performance, as was Stones’s marauding shift at right-back. Nilwall: I got nothing for ya, pals, try again next season.

By Rebecca Stuff-Radiator, the Rowdiest Bounty Hunter in the West

Credit to the Cocks, once the goal went in they really dug in and worked hard to prevent any further opportunities. What’s that? It was Parejo who scored? Oh.

By Petridish Emulator

Whether it was shame for losing 7-0 last week, shame from the rumours that the Surreal Madrid DoF is planning to retain only a small, tiny child in the playing squad next season, or shame from, y’know, the whole season, the visitors played their hearts out here. An early goal from Wilson set up a rearguard action that was finally broken – after much trying – by a sensational 71st-minute Brandt goal, but Saint-Maximin struck soon after to send Larry into raptures in the stands. You never can pin down what will happen with either of these teams.

By Jess Krenk

The Menace were second-best for most of this game but they produced the goods when it counted. After falling behind to Dani Alves just before half-time, Flick’s side battled back through a Koulibaly header then, when Lambert switched to an aggressive formation to chase the points, punished Weasels through a powerful Sancho goal.

By the Incredible Ovoid Boy

There could not have been a more fitting opponent for Farcelona to defeat to confirm the title than the holders, and there could not have been a more fitting representation of what Cers have come than this snorefest. Guardiola’s men, perhaps gripped by nerves when confronted by the reality of their achievement, were far from their fluent best here, and it took them a long time to break through, but Correa’s goal was enough to seal the deal. As in the whole season, there was only one deserving winner in this game, and hearty congratulations go out to a seriously impressive side – perhaps the most cohesive unit in Gobshite history.

By Usman ‘The Cardigan’ Shrimpheel

Where Maychester faltered, the Pigs strode confidently, with an early Christensen goal backed up by a thunderbolt from the returning Ismaily. Hazard, in wretched form, missed a penalty for an unimpressive La Ball side who are more or less out of things for which to play. Meanwhile, it’s back to a tie for second on goal difference.

By Rockin’ Kyle