The Klinsmann era begins happily for Nilwall! They had to work against the run of play, with a possession-hungry Arbor Red side keen to impose themselves, but two good goals from Dele and Kimmich gave them a cushion despite a second-half response from Milik. An unfamiliar 4-2-3-1 seemed to pay off well.

By Thomas Crownaffair

At what point do we start suggesting that Farcelona are losing their mojo? Though they took the lead through Sane, the hosts were matched closely by La Ball throughout and never looked especially likely to get a second after Hazard’s equaliser. But would their rivals capitalise?

By Penelope Pitstop

The Ducks were denied a first win under Thiago Larghi at the death when the MiBs, who had been almost invisible all game, struck a late equaliser through Rabiot. The visitors had been better throughout, particularly in the first half, but they had not broken the deadlock until Lewandowski’s second-half effort so will need to be more clinical in future. But it was Allegri’s men who got to put the Ray-Bans on and drop the mic.

By Jon Culshaw, in character as Obi-Wan Kenobi

The struggling Martyrs must have thought they were in for a long day when Griezmann scored in the sixth minute but they battled hard and turned this into a real ding-dong contest. A rocket of a De Bruyne strike got them back into it just before half-time and, after the impressive Griezmann restored Halfman’s lead, Haaland tied it up again on the break. The home side seemed to be rising up in defence of under-pressure manager Klopp and nobody had a bigger smile on their face than the German when De Bruyne rifled them into a late lead – but there was still just enough time for Coutinho to nab one in stoppage time. What a game!

By Corinne Hardhat

As is tradition, when Farcelona drop points, so do their rivals. This was a gritty, dirty game, with more fouls than shots and barely anyone having what would traditionally be described as a good performance. Weasels will be the happier of the two teams, but that’s mostly because of reasons unrelated to this match. It’s just a nice club, innit.

By the darkness inside

A home match against a cautious opposition gave new boss Flick a good opportunity to demonstrate how he intends for his side to operate; the early evidence here suggests that he does not intend to introduce sweeping change – just some extra confidence. Sancho opened the scoring almost immediately and Pellegrini’s absolute scorcher then seemed to kill the game pretty much dead on 18 minutes – but only a Vidal penalty added to the rout from there.

By… do you remember the woman out of Evanescence? Yeah. Her. I’m her mum, Sara.

The all-round stumbling of the league’s top teams this week is complete. The Pigs completely bossed this game against a Dawgs side who looked uncreative without the injured Messi but they failed to convert enough of their many chances, with only Ziyech giving them a second-half lead. It looked like they’d be paying for it badly when Parejo scored first a penalty and then a rocket in quick succession but somehow Inzaghi’s men found time for Ziyech to get a second of his own. It was a chaotic end to a strange game and neither side will come out of it happy.

By Hirohito Panza

You don’t need quality teams for a quality game. Perhaps the highlight of this end-to-end belter was Son’s first-half goal, which nearly tore the posts out of the ground. It was a shame for either side to have to lose this but Carrcelona were the more clinical of the two, with Allan putting in a sensational shift in the middle of the park as well as notching a goal and assist. Luis Enrique stays in situ for the time being, but he’ll need to get more performances like this from his team to turn it around.

By Cheryl Masala

The first 75 minutes of this were not so much Monday night football as Binday night football, but eventually Los Hijos woke up to get the edge over a truly anoemic BBC side. Mane scored a classic diminutive-winger-at-the-back-post goal before Lemar doubled the lead just a minute later. Mourinho’s men were stirred into a little bit of action, just enough for Oscar to grab a 90th-minute consolation, but Cocks fans will want more enterprise than this.

By Googly Googly Tomato