The first 75 minutes of this were not so much Monday night football as Binday night football, but eventually Los Hijos woke up to get the edge over a truly anoemic BBC side. Mane scored a classic diminutive-winger-at-the-back-post goal before Lemar doubled the lead just a minute later. Mourinho’s men were stirred into a little bit of action, just enough for Oscar to grab a 90th-minute consolation, but Cocks fans will want more enterprise than this.

By Googly Googly Tomato